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Orit is a painter and writer living in Tel Aviv.
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By Orit
October 15, 2004
When I first imagined this column, I thought of Carrie Bradshaw's column in "Sex in the City," only taking place in Tel Aviv.
I had just moved to Israel's hottest metropolis after living for four years in the way more conservative Jerusalem, and my heart was yearning for the glamorous lifestyle of a woman like Ms. Bradshaw. I knew that Tel Aviv was suited for adventures similar to those experienced by the stars of the cult TV-show. Our big city has the bars, the restaurants, the nightlife, and the fashion -- and most importantly, the restless, hungry, and beautiful people -- all the features that attracted me to the city in the first place.
But as I sat by my blank screen, trying to bang-out my first punchy, sexy, alluring, Carrie-esque article, I found out that there was just one problem. I was not Carrie Bradshaw, Tel Aviv was not New York City, and my life was not a TV show.
First, I don't go to breakfast or lunch almost every day at hip bistros spilling my love-life and sexual fantasies to three intelligent, stylish, and raunchy women as my best friends. Even if I could afford the fine dining, which is ubiquitous in Tel Aviv, and had sex-life worth sharing over a gourmet meal, which females would accompany me?
I still have not made enough female friends in the city. I left most of them behind in Jerusalem. Some have moved to New York. Many have gotten married. My friends in Tel Aviv consist of males who would be more than glad to improve my sex-life so that I had more to write about -- if only I agreed.
Second, who can afford Carrie's luxurious lifestyle? Would someone please tell how she managed to buy $300 pumps almost weekly? Did she have rich parents that we didn't know about? Maybe her column did earn her a nice income -- after all, she was a talented writer -- but she also got her salary in dollars. My salary is in shekels and according to Israeli standards. I just moved into my own studio apartment, my bills keep adding-up, and I'm skimping for cash.
Sometimes I berate myself for not choosing to live with a roommate, but I know that I need my space to write my first book and to paint. Besides, would Carrie have ever lived with a roommate? Of course not! That's because she somehow afforded a loft in Manhattan, brightly furnished with designer kitchenware and linens.
Third, all Carrie really had to worry about was sex, relationships, and clothes. In fact, this was her job. Talk about a day job! Meanwhile, I'm dealing with taking orders as an underpaid secretary.
I have to deal with the struggles of still adapting to a new culture, a different language, and a rougher mentality. And even though Tel Aviv is not the political cauldron of Jerusalem, and terrorist attacks are known to be less frequent here, I live in a country embroiled in a bloody conflict. Sometimes I wish that the only pain I had to feel was the kind experienced when getting dumped, but in Israel, I have to deal with the pain of seeing people just like me senselessly murdered while worrying that someone I love might be next.
Lastly, even if I had the time and mental space to write all day about relationships, I could not for the simple reason that I don't have a boyfriend. In fact, I don't even have a prospect for a boyfriend. And what's worse -- I'm not even sure if I want one. I thought that once I would move to Tel Aviv, I would have offers left and right because the creative, ambitious, single, and secular men concentrate here. But it's just not happening. Maybe that's because I work at a company where all the men are married and middle-aged. Maybe it's because I don't go out enough, or if I do, I go to the wrong places or with my male friends, and guys don't think I'm not available. Or maybe it's because I have "fear of intimacy" and it's really about time I see that shrink.
All I do know is that yes, I am a single woman in Tel Aviv, and yes, I would love a life in which I didn't have to worry about paying bills; in which I had a plethora of smart and sexy single, straight, married, and gay, friends to choose from; in which I were involved in meaningful relationships (and hopefully a little more successful than Carrie's); and in which I could feel that my life was the stuff that TV-shows, movies, and art were made of. But it will take a while -- and a lot of work -- to get there.
So maybe this column will not be about what it's like to be a well-off, accomplished writer living the good life in Tel Aviv, but what it takes for me to create the life I want -- an honest and fulfilling life -- the life that is possible for me, and the life that only I can live.
Views expressed by the author do not
necessarily reflect those of israelinsider.
 
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