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| Here I come, Illinois! Arafat leaves the Mukata, Peoria-bound. (AP) |
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Mike Levine is a journalist who lives at Kibbutz Bahan.
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By Mike Levine
December 17, 2004
Peoria, Illinois is now host to a man whom everyone thinks is dead and buried in Ramallah. The good people of Peoria have no idea. Yasser has let his stubbly beard grow into a lush thick growth which reaches to his chest. He wears a wide brimmed black hat, a white tieless shirt, and a black suit.
If you think this sounds like the typical attire of a religious Jew, you are dead right.
Arafat is now impersonating a religious Jew. And no one -- not his rabbi, nor his fellow bingo players -- is the wiser.
How can such a thing be, you may wonder. We all watched his funeral on TV. We watched his coffin being lowered into a concrete lined pit next to a pretty tree with thousands of his followers in noisy attendance. That's true, but did anyone ever see who or what was inside the coffin? No. Was it ever open so we could see the body on display? No.
You remember when he was in hospital in France? Only his wife was allowed to go near him. Do we know who was in that hospital bed? No. Do we know whose body was shipped to Cairo and then onto Israel for burial? No. Could they have thrown some poor old homeless slub into the coffin while the wiley Arafat flew off in a French government jet for greener pastures? You can bet your baguette they could have!
But will he pray in Peoria?
So why shouldn't Yasser Arafat be living in a small Illinois town disguised as a harmless Hasid? Heck, stranger things have happened. Eichmann lived in Argentina for decades until Israel found him and brought him back for a necktie party!
What could be more pleasant now for Arafat then to spend his days at liesure, no worries, no pressures. He can sit in the winter sun and feed the pigeons in the park. He can even study some Toirah if he likes.
He has no money problems. His devoted wife Suha
sends him a weekly allowance from the $22,000,000 dollar 'pension' paid to her by the Palestinian Authority. But I'll bet she doesn't send him too much. Paris is not cheap, nor are designer duds, and strapping young gigolos don't work for nothing.
The people of Peoria should not panic. Arafat is a changed man. I have it on good authority that the old man underwent intensive humanity counseling, by a Jewish social worker no less, and has emerged a sweet, loving, kind grandfatherly kind of guy. He probably could play Santa Claus in the local department store, especially if he kept his endearing Smurf outfit from those crazy last undead days in Paris. I'm sure the kiddies would love pulling on his beard and hearing him laugh merrilly.
Who knows, one day he might even run for the Presidency of the local chapter of B'nai B'rith!Naturally, he'd insist on running unopposed and making it a lifetime job!
Views expressed by the author do not
necessarily reflect those of israelinsider.
 
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