By Reuven Koret
August 14, 2005
 |
| A previous "orange" feast last November in Kiev. |
| |
The fast of Tisha b'Av may have made me weak, but I am filled with uncharacteristic feelings of forgiveness toward my Prime Minister, Ariel Sharon. If sinat hinam is blamed for destroying our Temples, I was going to act with ahavat hinam -- "free love" -- toward our duly elected leader, the emblem of our democracy.
It may be that I am inspired by the proverbial story of "Kamtza and Bar-Kamtza" traditionally associated with the Tisha b'Av fast. The Talmud tells us:"Rabbi Yochanan said, 'What is the meaning of the verse in The Book of "Mishlei" (Proverbs 28) which reads, 'Fortunate is the one who is always fearful, but the one who is hard of heart will suffer misfortune?' It was because of 'Kamtza and Bar-Kamtza' that Yerushalayim was destroyed ?"
The Talmudic tale is a bit convoluted, but to make a long story short, a certain wealthy Jew had intended to invite Kamtza to a feast but instead Bar-Kamtza, his enemy, showed up. The host was aghast and insisted on throwing Bar-Kamtza out of his home, even though Bar-Kamtza eventually expressed willingness to pay for the cost of the entire feast.
The humiliated Bar-Kamtza then proceeded to say slanderous things about the Jews to the Caesar and, yada yada yada, Jerusalem was destroyed and the Jewish people exiled.
In recent months, I admit, I've been pretty hard on Prime Minister Sharon, and I wouldn't want him to be embarrassed, or go hungry for that matter. So I've decided to invite him, along with anyone else who wants to come, to a festive meal to break the fast of Tisha b'Av.
In the spirit of "my house is your house" it would be only fitting to hold the feast at that most public of public houses, paid for by our tax shekels: The Office of the Prime Minister.
And since he's providing the venue, I've decided to do the cooking.
It was pretty obvious that we would serve a Caesar Salad (what else?), but deciding on the main course proved much more of a challenge. When you're cooking for a hungry man like Arik Sharon, you can't just think of what to make, you also need to calculate "How Much?" It's not just the quality that counts, it's the quantity!
I was going to ask some of his buddies at the Jericho Casino -- and the investors in the new Casino resort that's going up when the Jewish homes are torn down -- but it occurred to me that we definitely would want to serve fowl, in the spirit of the times of course.
That narrowed things down a bit, it was true, but which fowl? It didn't take me long to decide that -- for a man who feared to face the voters on such a crucial national issue, and was even afraid to accept the results of the referendum on disengagement that he himself had ordered -- there was a natural choice.
Chicken it would be!
But which sort of chicken, I wondered? There were so many choices, so many sauces and flavorings to choose from. What would be appropriate for a man like Sharon?
Then it occurred to me that I should just follow my own instincts and taste. I was really in the mood for Ukrainian cuisine. I had been hungering for it since November of last year.
Here was the perfect opportunity! Everyone would be starving from the Tisha b'Av fast, everyone would be descending on the Prime Minister's office around dinner-time. The feast could last a long time -- for nights and days, as good feasts do. All the ministers who might otherwise be tempted to attend cabinet meetings and make unfortunate decisions, whining about the din of demonstrators, instead could be having a grand old time wining and dining with us!
The setting was perfect! The lighting was perfect! The choice of main course, I thought, was obvious.
Chicken Kiev!
Nostalgic memories of the Orange Revolution in the Ukraine flooded to mind. There the losing party had stolen the election, seized power, and blocked the rightful winner. Here the rightful winner stole the votes of those who elected him by carrying out the policies of the losing party, then kicked out all the people who had ideas that the people had voted for and invited members of the losing party! The people didn't like it very much, dressed up in orange, surrounding the government buildings, and eventually forced new elections, and turned the tables on the bad guys.
But the more I thought of it, something didn't add up. Perhaps the Chicken Kiev was a little too low-class, a bit too -- how shall I put it delicately -- Slavic. It might bring up certain unfortunate associations, with Cossacks expelling Jews from their locked-up shtetls and wiping out their ghettos.
We wouldn't, after all, want to embarrass our guest of honor!
In a burst of inspiration, I thought instead of our Prime Minister's recent trip to Paris, where he was showered with love by President Chirac, embraced as a long lost comrade and confrere by the French People. Liberty, equality, and fraternity -- how appropriate for the moment! Yes, it had to be French cooking!
With a little collaboration from talented sous-chef Yonatan Bassi, we definitely could whip up some Vichysoisse. That would go well nicely, perhaps with a small side of Caravilla on a bed of Condoleezza Rice.
But while no one would dare complain about la cuisine francaise, we definitely needed to come up with some other kind of fowl for the main course. If we wanted to do this feast properly, then chicken would be just too low-brow. It simply would not do our esteemed leader justice.
I didn't want to think about slaughtering sheep or some fat cow, or even a golden calf. The Sharon family has enough of those on the ranch. Too indelicate for that je ne sais quoi effect I was trying to achieve.
It occurred to me that, with Sharon's days in office numbered, what with elections inevitable and all, and he being unlikely to even win his party's nomination and all, that "lame duck" might be a suitable replacement for the chicken.
But, well, that was a bit, well, lame. Far be it from my intention to serve a fowl that was blemished, or imperfect in any way. The hosts of Bar-Kamtza got in trouble for that. And this was the Prime Minister we were trying to serve, after all!
I thought briefly about "sitting duck" but then feared the Shin Bet might get the wrong idea.
True, we have had our fill of canards coming from the Prime Minister's office of late, but a meal is all about the sauce, the seasoning, and the preparation.
And that's when I came up with the perfect choice for my post Tisha b'Av feast, a selection in the French revolutionary spirit, it being just a month after le quatorze juillet.
It would be sweet. It would be crispy. It would be en saison. It might inspire people to storm the Bastille.
It would be ... duck a l'orange!
Everyone's invited. Tomorrow evening. Bar-Kamtza's paying.
Views expressed by the author do not
necessarily reflect those of israelinsider.
 
|
|
|
|
Click on the blue headline to read a Talkback comment and respond to it. Click on the  icon to send a private email to the talkback writer. The icon appears only if the writer has decided to be contacted. If no popup window appears, please make sure your popup blocker allows israelinsider.com.
|
|
| |
|
