By Reuven Koret
December 15, 2005
Ah, that rascal Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, our roving real estate agent, keeps looking for new homes for the Jewish State. Last week, he was trying to drum up support to give us a couple provinces in Germany and Austria. This week, our joker broker is expanding his search: "Our proposal is: Give a piece of your ground in Europe, in the United States, in Canada or in Alaska so that they can create their state."
Funny guy, this Ahmadinejad, though he would be funnier if his name was a bit more pronounceable, and he had a better sense of Jewish geography. Earth to Mahmoud: Alaska is a part of the United States.
Mahmoud is not only geographically challenged. He has problems with history as well. "If someone in their countries blames God, nothing is said to him, but if one criticizes the myth of the massacre of the Jews, the loudspeakers (of the) Zionists and the governments become vociferous," the Iranian president said.
So we have a little suggest for Herr Ahmadinejad, which we will whisper to him. Let's do a swap: You give us your land in post-Persia and we'll give you some turf in our prized Negev desert, under a rock.
Actually Israel has already welcomed more than a hundred thousand "Iranians," who were compelled to flee their Persian homelands, often sacrificing their property and possessions, after being Jew in that land became untenable due to religious persecution. LA has also done its share for Persian Jewish relocation. Not to mention the millions of non-Jewish Iranians who have fled or been expelled by the primitive, misogynistic regime that accompanied the rise of the Ayatollahs.
Before the loudspeakers of Iranian start blaring out "Ayatollah so!" -- let's consider the real estate bargain I propose. The Jews and other expelled Iranians return to their homeland, while the ragheads and religious fanatics temporarily residing in Tehran can make their home in a certain radioactive testing ground I know not far from that delightful Israeli hotspot known as Dimona.
The new immigrants, led by Ahmadinejad, can dance the night away among the jackals and jackasses that make their home in the area. No lights? No problem! We'll make sure there is illumination. We'll even make sure they glow in the dark.
But wait -- you tell me that no Israeli or former Iranian in their right minds would want to relocate to that medieval Islamofascist backwater? You're right, so I have an even more attractive offer, an offer you can't refuse.
We'll reduce our immigration wave, and we'll make it a temporary visit. Let's say a few dozen squadrons of F-15s and a few hundred immigrants from Israeli special forces. We won't stay long.
You say that you don't like Jews? You're right. They cause problems wherever they go.
Mahmoud, we appreciate your help in telling us where we should go.
Now it's time for us to tell you where you can go.
You know what? Even better. Stay where you are. We're dying to pay you a visit.
We'll see you in Teheran.
Look out. Here come the Jews.
There goes the neighborhood.
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