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Orit is a painter and writer living in Tel Aviv.
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By Orit
January 5, 2006
I'm not going to lie. I'm not upset that Sharon is in the hospital, dying. I have often wished him a slow and painful death. Sometimes you have to be careful what you wish for.
"You're amazing!" said one of my friends a few weeks ago, right after Sharon's first stroke. At dinner a few nights before, I was telling him that I wished that Sharon would just drop dead. Maybe then we would stand a chance at self-defense and self-respect. Maybe then I wouldn't have to witness anymore expulsions.
We were talking about the power of vigils, and that sometimes if enough thought vibrations in the form of prayers are sent out the universe, heaven will answer. I admit that since our dinner I did say a few bedtime prayers that Sharon would just die. I even thought of going to a toy store to buy a doll, fatten it up with some cotton, and stick pins in its heart and head. I never did it. That would really make me a witch. But my friend called me last night, in awe, and told me that my next target should be the president of Iran.
Now I watch the news, and the solemn news broadcasters have looks of concern on their faces, but you don't really know if their expressions are real or fake. The ministers are giving media interviews saying how this is difficult for the country, how we'll get through it, how we are praying for his recovery.
Speak for yourself. I'm not praying for his recovery. This is not difficult for me. I still want him to die, a natural death, of course but a death nevertheless.
No one really knows what's going on. We get no major details regarding his condition; he could be dead by now for all I know. I wouldn't be surprised if they feigned his health and had a vegetable, or even a corpse, propped up by strings and silicone, speaking to us. This is all clouded in secrecy, which is no surprise since the frightened government is opaque.
But what I do see is that this is not a man who is loved. This is not a man whose illness upsets people because he has been a moral, inspiring guide. Ministers and wannabe ministers are afraid they'll lose their seats in the Kadima party if the crippled Sharon won't appoint them. They are afraid that they'll be made to look like fools if Sharon is gone, Kadima dissolves, and they have no clue what to do with this country. Or some, I'm sure, are secretly glad that maybe this means they'll have a chance at being the next Prime Minister of Israel.
And the people, in their desperation for someone to control their lives, are scared sick that they might have to think for themselves about their own fate, instead of tying up their decisions into the hands of one powerful man. They don't care for Sharon the person.
So these prayers, these hopes that this man will still live are not for the sake of the positive, shining virtues of Sharon, but for his vices -- his iron-fisted control over the nation, his consolidation of power, his desperate policies to dismantle Israel. My only fear is that, to prove how great they are without Sharon, the members of the next government will carry on his legacy of cruelty with even more vigor.
It is clear to me that Sharon is an evil, immoral, and corrupt dictator. He is a criminal and murderer -- he has thrown loving families out of their home for naught, leaving them to fend for themselves in the cold; he has corrupted the army by turning soldiers into non-thinking robots of force, making them turn against their brother; he has brought the lines of terror closer to us, making major cities in Israel new and improved rocket targets; he has turned the state of Israel into a place where you aren't free to express yourself, where youngsters are arrested for proudly proclaiming their passion for this land and country.
So I'm not sad that he's dying. I'm not afraid to say it. We don't have to feel sympathetic. He wasn't sympathetic when he ruined thousands of lives, when people torched themselves to protest his policies, when people died of heart attacks in the wake of the expulsion.
And when you watch the eulogies, you will see that at the end of the day no one really loved him sincerely, certainly not like they did Rabin -- except maybe his crooked sons. No matter what you think of Rabin's policies, he at least seemed to have cared sincerely about Israel, no matter how misguided he was.
When Sharon's time comes, the Western leaders of the world will be saying what is politically correct to say, but deep down they'll all just be really confused. There will be lots of platitudes and cloudy praises. One thing is clear: this man is not a hero -- not mine, and not our country's. He was no one's real friend.
Who knows if I'll get arrested by saying this (and that's part of the problem). I can only hope that once he's gone, there will be more moral, modest honest, caring, and wise leaders to fill the vacuum he and his crime family has filled -- in oversized body and in evil spirit.
Views expressed by the author do not
necessarily reflect those of israelinsider.
 
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